Over the course of this month, we have been talking about routines and rituals. Paired together they can weave strength, belonging and meaning into family life. The job of parenting is continuous and persistent. Love prevails and it’s impossible to do it the way we wish we could do it ALL the time. Caregivers and parents are human. It is human to make mistakes.
Mistakes can be a powerful learning opportunity. They can open a shifting of perspective and they can open the way towards connection. This is true for repair as well. If you make a mistake within an interaction with your child, consider the outcomes of what offering an apology could be for you and your child. For example, how do you think it might feel for your child if you came back and said something like, what I said or did five minutes ago, wasn’t okay. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. How did you feel when that happened? I saw that you cried. Next time I will count to ten when I feel frustrated and talk to you in a way that you can understand. Let’s sit together and read this book. I know you like it very much.
This cycle of repair aids in our ability to self-regulate, problem solve and plan together for the future. It creates safety and models what it means to be human. It can lead to greater trust and illustrate that the relationship can withstand the ups and downs of life.
Play & Learn at Home
For repairing after a difficult interaction, you can try these steps at home:
~ Acknowledge the affront or rupture.
~ Express remorse
~ Consider offering a brief explanation.
~ Express your sincere intention to remedy the situation and to prevent it from happening again.
~ Spend some calm, tender time together as a restorative practice.
Resources we love:
Family conflict is normal: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/family_conflict_is_normal_its_the_repair_that_matters
Rupture and Repair: https://medium.com/@nickbowditch/rupture-and-repair-48a2d3e408b8
Imperfect Parenting, Rupture and Repair: https://fortycarrots.com/imperfect-parenting-rupture-and-repair/
